As a black woman

LAQWANDA ROBERTS-BUCKLEY SOCIAL JUSTICE ADVOCATE 

Originally Written 2020
It is 5:22AM. As a Black Woman, my mind has been on an emotional rollercoaster all week. I have found myself just looking around wondering how did we get to this point. Then I remember that America has truly never moved from the days of slavery, Jim Crow, Segregation, and the racial brutality from the 50’s or 60’s. Now, America just presents it to us in different forms.
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As a Black Woman, on January 20, 2009, I watched in awe as Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44th President of the United States of America. He was the first African American to hold the Office. I thought to myself “CHANGE”. On September 23, 2020 I watched in awe when a grand jury came back with a charge of “Wanton Endangerment”. I thought to myself “We really do not matter to them”. As social media as indicated, the walls of her neighbor’s apartment were offered more justice than a Black Woman whose life was stripped from her.
 
As a Black Woman raising a Black Child, I am at a loss of words. I do not know how to explain to her that America will not protect her in life and will disrespect her in death. It is difficult for me to tell her that if she is missing, America is more likely to view her as a “delinquent” than a victim of a crime. I do not know how to express to her that America will turn over hell and high water to find a child of a different race, but her will be lost among the thousands of children of color who are forgotten by America.
 
As a Black Woman, I walk in stores every day and catch glimpses of other races with their families. I wonder did they talk to their children and relatives the likelihood of their lives being in danger if they are pulled over by the police. I wonder if their heart races when a police vehicle is behind them. I wonder if they pull over when they see 6 police cars surrounding 1 black man sitting on the ground in handcuffs. I wonder if they ask themselves “What did he do?” or do they say, “I pray he makes it home alive.”
 
As a Black Woman, I have walked outside of my home feeling completely vulnerable in a Country that punches me in the gut with repeated examples that it really does not give a FUCK about us. Some days, I fight tears in public. Some days, my heart simply cries for my people. It can see too much sometimes to live the life of an Unprotected Black Woman in America.
 
As a Black Woman, I wonder where is the protection for us. We are consistently placed in the position where we are victimized. THEN we must defend ourselves in the mist of being victimized instead of having the time to heal. THEN we must advocate to change the system for ourselves and others as people rarely step up on our behalf.
 
As a Black Woman, I become infuriated when others tell my people to be peaceful. How more peaceful does America, a Country that has always shown violence towards African Americans, wants us to be? How more peaceful can you be than asleep? BREONNA WAS ASLEEP!
 
As a Black Woman, a part of me wants to throw an “S” on my chest and try to save us all from the pain, disappointment, and disbelief. I want to see my Sisters smiling and to feel safe in the Country that our ancestors built. I wish I could take the hurt from the hearts of the mothers, daughters, aunts, and cousins who kiss their loves goodbye with a little voice in the back of their mind saying “Please let them make it home”. I want to take on the world for you, for us. But today, I cannot.
 
Toda, as a Black Woman, my heart cries and I am okay with that. I am okay if I do not have the strength for the day. I am okay if I need to pull away from it all. I am okay with not being okay. Today, I will intentionally seek internal peace. As my heart cries for my people, I will be gentle with myself. I will trust the divine guidance of the Universe and the Spirits of my Ancestors to both heal my heart and show me ways to empower Black Women.
 
Today as a Black Woman, I will actively seek out ways to maintain emotional, mental, and spiritual balance. When things become too much, I will connect with the love and support from my amazing Partner, my Healing Black Women Sisters and my biological & chosen families. I will be caring towards myself and step away from social media when I need to.
As a Black Woman, I will place myself FIRST.
 
As a Black Woman, I will remind myself & America that I AM A BLACK WOMAN and I deserve to be protected, loved, respected, and nurtured. But today as a Black Woman, I will rest.

LAQWANDA ROBERTS-BUCKLEY 

​​With over 15 years of wellness experience, Laqwanda Roberts-Buckley, LMSW is the Founder of Healing Black Women which serves as a safe space designed to encourage and promote all forms of wellness/healing for black women. She also serves as the Chief Editor of HealingBlackWomen.com. She is a Certified Life Coach and Reiki II Practitioner. She is a Wellness Consultant and the former Director of Outreach for the National Office of Mental Health America. Laqwanda serves on the Board of Directors for RPSV, Inc and is a former Board Member for NAMI Northern VA.  As an established/nationally recognized motivational speaker, she has spoken or been seen on various platforms/panels with entities such as Eventbrite, New York Times, PBS, PsychCentral, Human Rights Campaign (HRC), Austin Black Pride, Environmental Protection Agency, Council on Social Work Minority Fellowship Program, Kaiser Permanente, Before Your Kill Yourself Podcast, and Entrepreneurs’ Organization to name a few. Instagram: @Laqwanda