WELCOME TO WHERE MY MIND AND WRITTEN WORDS COLLIDE. JOIN ME AS I EXPRESS MY THOUGHTS ON WELLNESS, SOCIAL ISSUES AND MORE. AT TIMES, I AM VERY RAW AS A WRITER WHICH MAY BE DIFFICULT FOR SOME TO DIGEST SO PLEASE BE MINDFUL.
laqwanda roberts-buckley mental health advocate
As a young therapist, I felt on top of the world. I believed that my purpose had finally manifested. I was working full-time and caring for my then 4-year-old daughter. Life was work, home, child, church and repeat. This remained steady for about a year; then the delusions began.
My awareness to every situation seemed heightened. I began to believe that I had some sort of “special gift”. I dove headfirst into religious beliefs and held myself to be highly esteemed. But there was also a darker side to the delusions.
In my home, I thought that I was being recorded. My mind told me that someone was entering my home when I wasn’t there. In order to sleep, I would stack 20 boxes in front of the patio door to prevent someone from coming in. Even though I was a therapist at the time, I was unable to see the symptoms clearly because they were my reality.
No longer able to keep it together, I was hospitalized the first time in January 2010 for depression and psychosis. Later we would discover that I was actually experiencing the onset of Bipolar I Disorder. Hospitalization was traumatic for me, as it is for many people.
However, what happened afterwards was even worst.
Once released from the hospital, I was found that I had lost everything. My daughter had to go stay with her father as I was unable to care for myself. I lost the ability and stability to work. And I could no longer live on my own. Everything…. my child, my career and my independence were gone. I didn’t know how to rebuild or where to start. I felt lost, angry, confused and hurt.
Fast forward after years of hard work, things began to fall back in place and move again. It was far from easy. But with help, I was able to regain the things I had lost and gained even more. The fact about crisis is that they can happen at any time. And there is no one game plan to work through them. However, it is possible to rebuild life in your own and own your terms. With this in mind, I wanted to share some of the things that helped me rebuild my life after dealing with my psychiatric crisis.