getting back to life after a crisis

laqwanda roberts-buckley mental health advocate 

Originally Written 2020
My mind was betraying me.

I always considered myself as an intellectual of some sort at least. If there was one thing, I could depend on it was my ability to process information and find solutions. I also love helping people. When the opportunity came for me to choose my forever career, I knew that becoming a Mental Health Therapist was a good fit for me.
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As a young therapist, I felt on top of the world. I believed that my purpose had finally manifested. I was working full-time and caring for my then 4-year-old daughter. Life was work, home, child, church and repeat. This remained steady for about a year; then the delusions began.

My awareness to every situation seemed heightened. I began to believe that I had some sort of “special gift”. I dove headfirst into religious beliefs and held myself to be highly esteemed. But there was also a darker side to the delusions.

In my home, I thought that I was being recorded. My mind told me that someone was entering my home when I wasn’t there. In order to sleep, I would stack 20 boxes in front of the patio door to prevent someone from coming in. Even though I was a therapist at the time, I was unable to see the symptoms clearly because they were my reality.

No longer able to keep it together, I was hospitalized the first time in January 2010 for depression and psychosis. Later we would discover that I was actually experiencing the onset of Bipolar I Disorder. Hospitalization was traumatic for me, as it is for many people.

However, what happened afterwards was even worst.

Once released from the hospital, I was found that I had lost everything. My daughter had to go stay with her father as I was unable to care for myself. I lost the ability and stability to work. And I could no longer live on my own. Everything…. my child, my career and my independence were gone. I didn’t know how to rebuild or where to start. I felt lost, angry, confused and hurt.

Fast forward after years of hard work, things began to fall back in place and move again. It was far from easy. But with help, I was able to regain the things I had lost and gained even more. The fact about crisis is that they can happen at any time. And there is no one game plan to work through them. However, it is possible to rebuild life in your own and own your terms. With this in mind, I wanted to share some of the things that helped me rebuild my life after dealing with my psychiatric crisis.
 

1. Establish A Support Network. One of the main things I needed during my crisis was support. I was no longer independent, and I felt stuck. Having the right group of people around me meant the difference between getting well and relapsing. For my situation, this meant getting family I could trust involved. If family is not an option for you, then consider close friends. For some, we have to enlist the support of providers. Regardless of who you choose, try to ensure that you do not go through this alone.
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3. Be Realistic With Time. One of the biggest lies out there is “time heals all wounds”. Well allow me to say that is a DAMN LIE. It may not hurt as much but time does not heal all wounds. This means do not set unrealistic expectations on when things should “get better”. After I got sick, everyone thought that if I only started working again; then I would be fine. So, I rushed myself to go back to work. In my mind, the quicker I made things happen; the quicker things would get back to “normal”. However, this thinking was not based in reality. The fact of the manner was I to give myself time. I needed to heal and so do you.
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5. Remember, Healing Is A Journey. Similar to being realistic with time, we have to be realistic with healing. Everyone heals differently and in different ways. My healing journey meant psychiatric treatment, medication, and therapy. Your healing journey will look different based upon your situation. There are different stages to healing that we go through and there are no time limits. So, allow your healing journey to be unique to you.
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7. Smile When You Can. Regardless of the situation that has taken place, there are other moments that can still bring joy to your life. When I was no longer able to care for my daughter, I found joy in being around my older sisters again. I’m not saying, “Fake it till you make it”. What I am saying is allow yourself to smile when life provides an opportunity to do so.
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9. Keep A Journal. I know. I know. You have heard this 1,000 times. However, writing is more than getting feelings out on paper. It’s a record of what has taken place. It charts the victories, the lessons learned, and growth over time. Its your proof of life and proof that you are still moving even when it seems that the world has stood still.
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I will not lie to you and say that the road ahead will be easy. Somedays it will not be. I don’t know what things will look like for you. I know that for me 10 years after my psychiatric crisis, I am standing taller. My hope is that one day you will be able to stand taller as well. ~ Blessings

LAQWANDA ROBERTS-BUCKLEY

With over 15 years of wellness experience, Laqwanda Roberts-Buckley, LMSW is the Founder of Healing Black Women which serves as a safe space designed to encourage and promote all forms of wellness/healing for black women. She also serves as the Chief Editor of HealingBlackWomen.com. She is a Certified Life Coach and Reiki II Practitioner. She is a Wellness Consultant and the former Director of Outreach for the National Office of Mental Health America. Laqwanda serves on the Board of Directors for RPSV, Inc and is a former Board Member for NAMI Northern VA.  As an established/nationally recognized motivational speaker, she has spoken or been seen on various platforms/panels with entities such as Eventbrite, New York Times, PBS, PsychCentral, Human Rights Campaign (HRC), Austin Black Pride, Environmental Protection Agency, Council on Social Work Minority Fellowship Program, Kaiser Permanente, Before Your Kill Yourself Podcast, and Entrepreneurs’ Organization to name a few. Instagram: @Laqwanda