moving beyond unhappiness

laqwanda roberts-buckley mental health advocate 

Originally Written 2018
Has there ever been a point in your life when you looked in the mirror and realized that you were truly unhappy?

If you have felt this way or are feeling this way now, please know you are not alone. Recently, I have felt nothing but unhappiness when it comes to many things in life. These feelings have even led to additional thoughts concerning my self-worth.

To simply put it, it has been a rough couple of weeks for me.

While in this state, I tend to do a lot and I mean A LOT of thinking. I question my life, my purpose, my past, EVERYTHING. It can get so bad that I begin to question the things that I know that I’m good at.

In these moments, it’s easy for me to fall off the edge. Yet, I tend to always find my way back to a place of balance. It’s never simple but it is possible with some work. Although it can be difficult, starting with little things makes the work ahead seem less overwhelming. Here are a couple of things that helped me navigate towards a balanced state.

1. Be honest with yourself. If you are unhappy, say that you are unhappy. At times, we tend to get caught up in the notion that we have to speak positive things all the time. This can be helpful. What can be even more helpful is taking a look in the mirror and telling yourself the truth. Don’t feel pressured to hide your feelings simply because you want to paint a pretty picture for the world to see.

 

1. Use your support system. I get it, you want to keep your thoughts to yourself during this time. You wonder if people are tired of you being a “Debbie Downer” all the time. However, remember that the people who support you truly care about your well-being. When they are aware of your ups and downs, they can support you through both. Allow them the opportunity to show you how much they care.

 

1. Take a little break. We all have heard that when things get tough that’s when you should get busy. I beg to differ. Doing things to help with controlling your thoughts can be very helpful. The problem arises when you use “activities” to cover up or ignore your emotions. Give yourself time to feel what you are going through and take a deep breath.
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3. Do a quick emotional self-scan. Check in with yourself one day and ask yourself questions. How long have you felt this way? Has anything changed to make you feel this way? Is your unhappiness based on something temporary? What are some things that have helped you feel balanced before? You can ask yourself anything. However, if you begin to feel worse, stop.
   

 

1. Let things go. Sometimes we just get stuck in the motion of being around certain people, holding on to painful memories, unsatisfying jobs, etc…. When we are comfortable, we keep things in our life that we should let go of. It’s painful to think about letting it all go but sometimes it’s the best thing for us to do. Don’t get me wrong, this is not always simple but little by little you can find balance in releasing things that are not meant for you.

 

1. Speak with a professional. I get it. It can be hard to speak with someone you don’t know. It can be even harder to hold all of your feelings inside without an outlet. A professional such as a life coach or therapist could assist you in moving beyond this point and provide some much-needed guidance. If this doesn’t seem like a good fit for you, try a really good member of your support system.
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Let’s be honest, moving from a place of unhappiness can be a struggle. However reaching that point of balance again is worth the work. Remember that you are worth every step that you are taking to get back to you.
 

LAQWANDA ROBERTS-BUCKLEY

​With over 15 years of wellness experience, Laqwanda Roberts-Buckley, LMSW is the Founder of Healing Black Women which serves as a safe space designed to encourage and promote all forms of wellness/healing for black women. She also serves as the Chief Editor of HealingBlackWomen.com. She is a Certified Life Coach and Reiki II Practitioner. She is a Wellness Consultant and the former Director of Outreach for the National Office of Mental Health America. Laqwanda serves on the Board of Directors for RPSV, Inc and is a former Board Member for NAMI Northern VA.  As an established/nationally recognized motivational speaker, she has spoken or been seen on various platforms/panels with entities such as Eventbrite, New York Times, PBS, PsychCentral, Human Rights Campaign (HRC), Austin Black Pride, Environmental Protection Agency, Council on Social Work Minority Fellowship Program, Kaiser Permanente, Before Your Kill Yourself Podcast, and Entrepreneurs’ Organization to name a few. Instagram: @Laqwanda